four - post flood

[amissbennet]

Though I cannot claim any sort of occupation, I find that I can be a fantastic listener when I set my mind to such. If anyone should find themselves in need of conversation, or perhaps an unbiased ear to disclose events to, I would like to offer my services. I cannot claim acquaintance of many of you and can declare friendships with even less. It is my intention, however, to endeavor to form acquaintance with a great many of you. Should this be an opportunity, then I embrace it.

[Private to Castiel]
Might I call upon you to partake a cup of tea with me?

Comments

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[amissbennet.livejournal.com]

"I suppose the Enclosure will be the most satisfactory." [Her reply was a bit short, and it was obvious she was annoyed with him. He had no right to act as he did, like the actions of a child were unfolding before her. She departed his room to enable him space to close the door, waiting for him.]

"I want to know how your conversation with Jesus went. I would also like to be informed as to your present condition, why you feel it necessary to take to the drink so entirely, and how you intend to remedy the situation."

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[holythursday.livejournal.com]

[He ticked off the list on his fingers.]

I don't want to talk about my conversation with...him. My drinking is not new. And I see no reason to remedy something that is not a problem.

[The enclosure. He liked that place, but only when he was an angel. He didn't know what to do about it otherwise. He didn't care.]

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[amissbennet.livejournal.com]

"Then perhaps your choice not to drink would be something new and inviting." [It was not a subtle hint. She walked with him down the hall, toward the Enclosure. She was a bit surprised that he knew the path so well, not having read his history as a warden yet. She made no comment of it however, not the kind to assume.]

"I believe that you are missing the things which are a most joyous and beneficial part of any life by being submerged in your alcohol. If you should choose not to stop for yourself, I will have to take it upon myself to stop you. It sounds an unpleasant task for us both and I sincerely believe it would benefit us both to work as one."

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[holythursday.livejournal.com]

If you take the alcohol away, I will find other ways. [He shrugged, absently reaching for his item when they approached the door but, as he no longer had it, he paused.]

After you, I suppose.

[This was not something he wanted to do. He hated this. He didn't want her to interfere with his life. This was what was working for him. The alcohol killed his feelings. He didn't have to be human if he was constantly drunk.]

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[amissbennet.livejournal.com]

[Elizabeth frowned at him, then held up her book to grant them access. The door opened and she stepped aside to allow him to enter. The only way to excuse her utter lack of decorum was to blame his complete immaturity. It truly was like dealing with a well-spoken child. No use wasting time then.]

"It is my understanding that you used to be an angel of our Lord. You are now a rather ordinary man. Is that correct?"

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[holythursday.livejournal.com]

[Castiel hesitated at the door and just glared at her. It was the first time he had shown his anger and he masked it just as quickly.]

I suppose you could say it like that.

[No, he was not ordinary and he did not like her thinking he was.]

I was an angel when I was here before. The angels left. I betrayed God, I suppose, and then ended up here.

[He still had yet to step through the door.]

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[amissbennet.livejournal.com]

[Elizabeth turned to face him fully, waiting for him to enter. She was displeased that he was being so difficult.]

"So it is possible for you to express anger. I am most delighted as I had thought it might be impossible for you to feel." [She took a step toward him, breaking their personal space in the hope he might pay more attention.] "I dare say, then, that there might exist a real persona beneath that apathetic exterior of yours. I endeavor to make out your character, Castiel, and I find you do not wish to be known. Pray tell, why do you drink? Why are you so angry?"

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[holythursday.livejournal.com]

I am not angry. [He had no concept of personal space, so her step forward didn't faze him. He simply looked down to her and rose a brow.]

I drink because it makes me feel more normal.

[Meaning- it made him feel numb. It made him less human, more angelic. And, though he had Jesus' forgiveness, he had only gotten worse since meeting the man.]

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[amissbennet.livejournal.com]

"What precisely does that mean to you? To be 'normal'?"

[Elizabeth held firm where she was, trying to show that she would not back down so easily. He angered her and his complete apathy about not only the situation, but about her, infuriated her to no end. It was almost as if she were returned to Netherfield and being forced to deal with Mr Darcy again. Although this time, there was no confusion as to Castiel's feelings.]

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[holythursday.livejournal.com]

Precisely what I said.

[When he stepped through the door, the CES changed into a very dreary landscape. It was dead, withered. Burned. This was the world he knew. Of course, there were no human structures, but he was still familiar with it all.]

This is the world I live in. Everything is dead. Dying.

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[amissbennet.livejournal.com]

[Elizabeth turned to regard it, now a half-step behind him. It was depressing. She couldn't begin to imagine living in such a world and feeling any happiness at all. But of course she couldn't express that to him when she was wishing him to be happy.

Turning around to the entrance again, she reached up toward the door. The scene around them shimmered and changed into the green forests of Netherfield, one of the most beautiful scenes she had ever beheld in her life. She hoped he might appreciate it. Stepping up beside him, she looked out at all the green.]

"That cannot be the only way of living, nor the only place. Where I live, there is such a great expanse of land still to explore and that which I have seen is the most awesome and glorious sight. If you cannot abide by the darkness of where you live, I invite you then to find a new residence and, perhaps, a new life."

[She offered him a smile, desperate for him to find any hope.] "I dare say you need to reconsider what it is that you find normal. You might learn to live without the altering of the mind and still remain 'normal'."

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[holythursday.livejournal.com]

[Swallowing hard, Castiel turned to look at her.]

You still do not understand. Do you know the devil. Satan? Lucifer? Do you know that name? That is the ruler of my world. He is the one who has taken it and drive then angels out. He is the one who has made my life this way.

And he was here. Did you not see him during the flood?! He was there! You are...You do not understand. Have you read my file?

[He turned his eyes from the beauty of the world. It was not real.]

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[amissbennet.livejournal.com]

"I was hoping you might grant me your blessing to read it." [It was easiest to reply to that first. Then she took a deep breath to reply to the rest. He had to understand.]

"How can you ever expect to combat him, to restore your pride and defend the honor of those whom you care for, if you are constantly enveloped in discord? Do you have no desire to create a more pleasant world if your own is truly so appalling?" [She had never been one to sit by and let things happen.] "I know that I am not so well educated as yourself. Forgive me that. I do intend to help you whether you desire to seek revenge or merely retreat to your own wasteland to stew in your misery there."

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[holythursday.livejournal.com]

[He was done with her for the moment. He walked through the beautiful scenery, seeing none of it. He was frustrated, angry, and she was making him frustrated and angry. Making him feel those emotions as if he was supposed to. But he wasn't. He was angel.

He was human.

He was angel.

He was human.

He was neither. He was something not of the world. He finally leaned against a tree and closed his eyes, wishing for someone, somewhere to tell him what was right. This was not right.]

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[amissbennet.livejournal.com]

[Elizabeth watched him move, empathetic enough to know that he was upset. She followed silently, hovering a few meters away to be within easy conversation but outside of his personal space. It was meant to show support, though she wasn't certain now what he was thinking or whether or not he would ever trust her or listen to anything she might have to say.

After giving him some time to think, she broke the silence.]

"Pray, tell me. What are you thinking?"

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[holythursday.livejournal.com]

That I deserve to be in Hell.

[He looked over to her.]

I don't want to talk about this anymore.

[He stood up, taking a deep breath and allowing the emotions to wash over him, leaving him free of them.]

Let's leave this place, Miss. [He gave her a grin, trying desperately to hide the fact that, not a moment ago, he was angry.]

Let's leave this place.

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[amissbennet.livejournal.com]

[Elizabeth opened her mouth to reply, then closed it as he continued. She was torn as to what she should do, or say. When he seemed absolutely determined to leave, despite the smile on his face, she nodded in approval.] "Will you accompany me to the dining hall, then? For dinner?"

[She walked with him, allowing him to lead the way out of the Enclosure at least. Then she moved even with him, trying to maintain that air of strength. Even though he didn't want to speak on it, she felt that it had to be important for him to know he could speak on it.] "You are far too kind and good to ever merit a place in Hell. You cannot see this for yourself, I understand that. Do not argue. Either have faith in my judgment or do not. I will come to earn your trust in time, I hope."

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[holythursday.livejournal.com]

[Ah, the subject of Hell.]

Ever been to Hell? It's an awful place. You get chains through your skin while demons rip you apart...every...single...day.

[He shrugged.] And Heaven. Heaven is empty. Void. I'm not even sure if that's where the Angels went. If that's where they are- I'm not welcome there.

[A soft laugh escaped him.] You have a misconception of what angels are. We- they- are not good and kind. They are not compassionate. Most angels hate humans.

[When they reached the dining hall, he opened the door for her.]

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[amissbennet.livejournal.com]

"I cannot feign that I have ever held interest in angels as a whole. I speak only of yourself. Regardless of your state of being, you are a good man. If you desire to go to Hell so deeply, then you shall. If you desire Heaven, it is achievable to you as well."

[She stepped inside with a smile on her lips, his gesture only acting as evidence of her words. He was charming, intelligent. If he could get over his pride and self-loathing, then perhaps they could get somewhere.] "You have lost faith in yourself and it is a terrible state I have found you in. I wish that I could do more."

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[holythursday.livejournal.com]

[His pride as only a cover for the self loathing. He believed himself above humanity because he truly felt beneath them. For centuries, he had sat back, watching humans evolve into the creatures they were now. He had seen God's best creations skittering around the earth and felt only love when his brothers and sisters were feeling disdain. But he was now one of them. Now he was a skittering little creature and the only beings above him- the rest of the angels- felt only disdain for him.]

What I was doing before seemed to work just fine for me. [He chuckled and followed her inside.]

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[amissbennet.livejournal.com]

"You do realize, I hope, that you seek a path without any progress. You will never feel any better about life and may still turn worse. Not to mention you are reliant upon a substance which may not exist in every place you visit."

[She led the way for them to go pick up their dinners, then sat down at an unoccupied table off toward a corner so that they might be alone.] "Do you want nothing else of or for yourself?"

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[holythursday.livejournal.com]

[He followed through with her and sat down quietly. He really didn't enjoy eating, but he had been forced to since he had been human. It was a necessity of being human, unfortunately.]

I want to be an angel again. That's what I'm trying to do, Elizabeth.

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[amissbennet.livejournal.com]

"Remarkable." [She exclaimed with enthusiasm and a wide smile.] "At last, we seem to have found a path upon which we can agree. Do you think you can accomplish this by drinking?"

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[holythursday.livejournal.com]

It makes me feel less human. [He shrugged.] And that is the point. [To distract himself from her, he began to poke around at his food.]

But I don't want to talk about that.

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[amissbennet.livejournal.com]

"Why ever not?"

[It was a simple question, honest and sincere. Elizabeth took a sip of her water and began cutting at her food. Her manners were superb, though most of her attention now was on Castiel. She barely cast her food any glance more than necessary.]

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[holythursday.livejournal.com]

[Castiel shook his head.] This food is not bad, don't you think? [He took a sip of the water.] And clean water. That always amazed me. Well, since I got back. Clean water was kind of hard to come by.

[It was obviously his way of ignoring her.]

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[amissbennet.livejournal.com]

[Elizabeth paused in her actions, frowning at him. Again, like a child. They had been making such progress.. She took a couple bites of her food and then continued cutting politely at it. There had to be some way of approaching this that he wouldn't mind.]

"What if we were to make an arrangement?"

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[holythursday.livejournal.com]

Arrangement? What kind of an arrangement? [He sighed, sensing that he was about to enter into something he might not otherwise like.]

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[amissbennet.livejournal.com]

"I will supply you with as much drink or whatever else I can come into possession of that you desire for one week, if you then refrain from partaking of any of those substances which I would deem unacceptable for the three weeks following."

[She stopped eating again so that she could look at him, watch him. Elizabeth desperately hoped he would agree to the baragain. It wasn't ideal, but it seemed the only way.]

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[holythursday.livejournal.com]

[He laughed. Oh, she was a tricky one. And he might have agreed to it before. But he had a different supplier now. One who didn't give him what he wanted because he was trying to get something out of it.]

No deal. I'm sorry. I get my drinks from someone without an ulterior motive.

[Now, if she had offered him the drugs, he would jump on that one. But, well, this was good enough.]

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[amissbennet.livejournal.com]

"Certainly you must realize that I need endeavor to end whomever it is that provides you with your drink. I see no reason for us to continue to create discord with each other, but if that is the way that you intend for things to progress, I would not dare to disappoint you."

[Elizabeth was neither frowning nor laughing, offering a subtle smile in the hope of appearing as open as she truly was. Castiel was a difficult man, stubborn and proud. The warden took another bite of her food, silently trying to think of what might be able to help him. In a seeming change of subject, she added.] "Whom do you consider friends on this Barge, Castiel?"

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[holythursday.livejournal.com]

You're not getting information out of me, Elizabeth. [He stood up and looked down to her.] Do you mind if I go back to my room? This conversation is going in circles and we're just going to end up in the same place.

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[amissbennet.livejournal.com]

[Elizabeth stood with him, furious with his complete apathy.]

"Have you actually entertained the notion at all that you might be a person worthy of redemption? Or that if you perhaps resigned yourself to be anything less than miserable, your stay on the Barge could become bearable or even pleasant? You are determined to be so entirely disagreeable and are so whimsical in your civilities that I dare say you were assigned to me for the sole purpose of testing my tolerance. I might forgive your follies if you were not so proud in displaying them.

Yes, I say. Please return to your room and grant me the privilege of a moment's rest, for I posses doubt in my ability to remain tolerable."

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[holythursday.livejournal.com]

[He only laughed at her, glad that she was at least human enough to show emotion.] Good on breaking through that sense of snobbery long enough to talk to me like a real person.

[Grinning, he leaned across the table, his hands planted right in front of her and he rose a brow at her.] My time on the Barge has been quite pleasant, actually. That is, until you started bothering me with your questions and your rules.

You are...not...God.

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[amissbennet.livejournal.com]

[His humor at her frustration didn't help matters any. She leaned forward to close most of the distance between them, seething.]

"You are acting as a waste of life and insulting God in doing so." [She snapped at him.] "Perhaps the reason you are no longer an angel is to challenge your faith and loyalty; I dare say you would be found entirely without virtue at present."

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[holythursday.livejournal.com]

[Again, he smirked.] Probably. [With a wave of his hand, he turned and walked off, away from her, away from the food. The drink. The alcohol. It was the only thing he had.]

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[amissbennet.livejournal.com]

[Elizabeth glared after him before she fell back onto her seat, now too angry to eat. She had not much such an insufferable man since-- well, since Mr Darcy. Except she was convinced that he had some redeemable qualities, whereas Castiel was just.. unacceptable.

Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all.]